Monday, March 30, 2009

(formally lil) bow wow still makes music?

i am not a fan of this bandage in my mouth. (resembles brown chewing gum. feels like cement. tastes like my blood.) it constantly gives the illusion of tobacco dippin', bringing my entire chin/jaw slightly forward. thus, i have a new face. not only does the appearance bother me, it hurts when i least expect it.  if i drop something, my body jerks and mouth pulls.. if i put a shirt on and my mouth hits the collar, it pulls. and worst of all, if i laugh. IT HURTS TO LAUGH. i'm not sure what i did to deserve this- especially when a certain parent of mine says they have "a turd circling their butthole" while doing sweatin' to the oldies 3. 

the bandage is changed friday. let's hope it's better, so i can laugh at turds. 

Friday, March 27, 2009

my dental men are gentlemen.

surgery recap.

scene: sitting in a peach colored room listening to soft rock. there is only one window with a view of bare trees and wet dirt. there is also a painting done in 1978 of an ocean shore at sunset. the colors in the painting match the walls.

dr. van dorn came in and before he asked how i was-- he asked about my shoes. they were just my silver slip on vans, which he later called "movie star shoes". i've never actually seen an actor/actress wear this particular pair, but i was talking to a professional periodontist here. was i really going to doubt him? he tried to ask me a lot of questions and make jokes to calm my nerves about the shots. i began lying about my school life, and somehow gave him the impression i wanted to be a newscaster. he then started asking me about boys and telling me stories about his marriage. giving me marital advice. vanessa williams song playing i was starting to believe he had a part time therapist job like lucy's psychiatric booth. before he gave me my numbing shots, he asked me my favorite vacation destination and to think about it. first shot: not bad at all. i'm tough. i was raised on the dairy, bitch. i never feel pain. second shot: pussed out and jerked, so he had to stick me twice. cried a little. after this, i was left with his assistant who kept talking to me about her trees and plants. cher's "if i could turn back time" when he returned, i didn't feel numb enough...third shot: was pretty numb, until he hit one spot that made a hissing sound come out of me. although i was curious to what tools were going to be used inside of my mouth, i closed my eyes in fear of panic natalie imbruglia's "torn" i only felt tugs on my brackets. everything else was just fine. there was a time we had to wait on something and we talked about disney world (my destination of choice). i was also asked what i would do if i one ten million dollars. then, i was advised on how to save it. an hour or so later, my gum was sewn up. whitney houston's "greatest love of all"

the rest of my day is being spent like so:
10:00- ice pack on.
10:05- ice pack off.
10:10- ice pack on.
10:15- ice pack off.
this has to continue until i GO TO BED.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

lizzing to the oldies

i got a few brackets for my gingival surgery tomorrow. the bandage, or "dressing", needs them, so here i am:
i'm not really sure what it's going to look like afterwards. i do know it will remain there for about four weeks. so, i'm going to try to keep myself out of the cute boy scene. wish me luck.

i JUST noticed today, that six+ people involved in wet hot american summer are also involved in role models. the fangirl inside of me wants to stab my gut with rusty scissors for not realizing sooner. it's just another movie gang, with a "no natalie's allowed" sign on their door...that is, until the see how badass i am. then, the sign shall be thrown in a campfire while we eat smores and cuddle in sleeping bags.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

scarface? no. annie is obviously jay-z's favorite movie. we all know he sampled "hard knock life".... and i finally noticed lyrics in "brooklyn (go hard)":

"the sun don't come out for many, like annie
half orphan, mama never had an abortion."

i'm sure i'm not the first to realize this.
i need to hang out with that shawn corey carter. we'll get sasha fierce on board and have a movie night. eat moonpies. cuddle. etc. 

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


lots of jews for that itty bitty living space.

i'm slowly getting back to the hood of things. i would almost compare losing my wisdom teeth to one of the loser holidays, like valentine's day or the fourth of july--without the blood puking (depending on your traditions). dad bought me tim and eric season two, mom rented movies containing boys i like, and i focused on the main food groups: pudding... applesauce... and for strong bones, ice cream. it's been a sore road, and i gained a tongue blister along the way.

i need a second job. i need money. i need a constant breath mint. 

for the past few weeks at work, i have been loading xp on computers. i decided to make my "waiting" time useful, and do a little reading. sadly, this may be the most i've read in a couple years. finished:

i kind of want to read russell brand's autobiography???

Saturday, March 7, 2009

this is what i look like after...

a) i hit my children, and have been arrested.
b) been beaten by my husband, but know he still loves me.
c) had my wisdom teeth taken out.

ps. there's a haircut in there somewhere...