Monday, November 23, 2009

seriously chicago, if you don't give me a job i won't be able to live here much longer.

Saturday, November 14, 2009



whew.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

"quiet indiana over there is yelling 'fuck'..."



DO I STILL BLOG ANYMORE? I DON'T KNOW. I DO KNOW:
-i don't have a job yet.
-chicago weather is currently uh-mazing.
-caitlin and i watched a strokes dvd yesterday, making today a boy mess.
-having guests forces me to become ocd
-getting cd's and cards from my parents in the mail is the greatest.
-i need to go to france. still.
-i like second city.
ETC.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

i'm lookin' at the man in the mirror, i'm yours.

i'm slowly creeping my stuff in to the new apartment. my room has already been given the name, "anne frank's annex". it's more than half the size of my bedroom at home, but i intend to make the best of it. perhaps i'll play "holocaust" and sit quietly in my room and look at the photos of movies stars on the wall; possibly writing in a diary of some sort.

i just might be ready to live in the bea hive.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

my opinionation




(i need more joey dancing)

Monday, September 7, 2009

so, i was creeping on roger's tumblr, and found this tumblr:

http://fuckyeahjewishmen.tumblr.com/

i'm loving the eli roth coverage (and 80% of all the other jews featured)
and i don't like daniel radcliffe. no matter how jewy.

*update.
this blog makes me crazy.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

"i am so proud of myself!"

paul and i went over to my cousins' house to take some pictures for his class. as soon as we got in the backyard, and the boys got their bow and arrows, layah yelled, "BUNNY". they both aimed, and one let go. in shock, we could only watch it flop around. i must say it's pretty impressive for a six year old... it's frightening to know how easily he could shoot me.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

On The Phone.

Caitlin: Guess what's on after Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
Natalie: Give me a hint. What genre?
Caitlin: Chick Flick...It's on Lifetime.
Natalie: Umm...13 Going On 30?
Caitlin: No.
Natalie: Give me another hint.
Caitlin: Sexy boy.
Natalie: Drive Me Crazy?
Caitlin: YES.

(also posted on natalieandcaitlin.blogspot.com)

Friday, August 14, 2009

I WILL start blogging again.

lollapalooza is over.
WHO IS THAT?
nice seeing you, dhani harrison.

Friday, July 24, 2009

school.

6th grade lip sync.


sophomore lip sync. i'm still proud of this because we made it all up in two days. we used backstreet/paula abdul workout moves. i remember feeling pretty badass during the dance break, and i love the end.


on a sexier day...

Saturday, July 18, 2009

dear size 4,

IMA KICK YO ASS.


seriously, i'm a 1-3.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

letters & words.



JOHN FARTED.
i might watch spring breakdown again before i take it back....

Saturday, June 20, 2009

GIT UH LYFE.

life of natalie update:
-i haven't done much in the past few days; it's been too hot.
-i haven't done anything aerobic in three days, but i did have burger king, taco bell, and wendy's.
-i'm taking an online comedy sketch writing class through second city. (encouragement accepted.)
-i'm currently wearing a bikini top.
-caitlin and john are coming over next weekend to prove that i do have a social life.
-in less than 100 days, i'll be in disney world. STARSHIP will be performing in epcot.

i've been thinking about:

-disney world.
-hanna barbera cartoons.
-how older people/doctors say "period." example: "when was your last period?" they seem to pronounce it like perrriod instead of peeeriod. by changing the pronunciation, it sounds 10x more bloody and gross.
-the fact that i have yet to learn every word to "damn i wish i was your lover" by sophie b. hawkins.

Thursday, June 18, 2009



I STILL EXIST.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

mustard in my bed.

the monthly library book sale  DID NOT disappoint. whatsoever.
-fabio fitness: $1
-queen latifah, 
all hail the queen: $1
-complete guide to the music of the carpenters: 25 cents
-the teenage years sexual development VHS: 50 cents
-aggression in school VHS: 50 cents
-crack down on drugs VHS: 50 cents
-best of dana carvey VHS: 50 cents
-two secret presents for caitlin: 75 cents

fabio fitness is slightly disappointing. only one page is dedicated to "lovemaking".  he should have written at least two chapters on the subject. c'mon fab, you were an assortment of sexual characters on romance novel covers and you can only give the world one page?! a chapter on pirate ship ridin'- ripped shirt wearin'-calorie burnin'-lovemaking would certainly have helped sell...  yuck, "lovemaking".  i'm pretty positive i will never actually read this book, but i'll look at the pictures.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

CRANBERRY
PURÈE.

Friday, May 8, 2009

RASPBERRY
BERET.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

the almond brothers.


today is my mother's birthday. had buca di peppo and too much cake.
now, all i want to do is puke-a and poop-o.
horrible joke.

today is also marianne's (one of my chosen bff's) birthday. to celebrate her anniversay of exiting a vagina and entering the world, we went laser tagging for three hours. teenage boys, teenage girls, tween boys, and only a couple adults played. IT WAS SO FUN. we hadn't been since the sixth grade. there was so much yelling. i could talk about it for hours, but i won't.

and again, my dad must have a vacation. i fear he may burst.

pico vs. island trees.

last weekend:



traveling with boyz would be a good hobby.
YAY.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

i NEED boomerang on my tv.



CATTANOOGA CATS. GENIUS.


hell is a place on earth?

finally had the jimmy buffet room at dr. van dorn's this morning. not only are there buffet posters everywhere... a fake palm tree sits in the corner, (parrot on branch not included--but tied.), two autographed albums are over the sink, (guitar picks included in frames), and his music is playing only in that room (not the soft rock station i lurrrve everywhere else in the building). SERIOUSLY. when he came in, he said he was going to make me a "parakeet", which i learned was a child fan. ok:
1) i'm a wo-man.
2) i don't look good in cheeseburger hats.
3) i accidentally starved my parakeet, therefore becoming one sounds like a cruel punishment.
if this periodonist wasn't my new grandfather figure, we'd be fighting. i did save myself by saying i "knew of him, but was not a fan".


oh and one time, i ate at cheeseburger in paradise and the food wasn't that great.
i prefer old country buffet.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

MY NAME IS NATALIE, AND I HAVE A SUGAR ADDICTION.
(buy me that.)

Monday, March 30, 2009

(formally lil) bow wow still makes music?

i am not a fan of this bandage in my mouth. (resembles brown chewing gum. feels like cement. tastes like my blood.) it constantly gives the illusion of tobacco dippin', bringing my entire chin/jaw slightly forward. thus, i have a new face. not only does the appearance bother me, it hurts when i least expect it.  if i drop something, my body jerks and mouth pulls.. if i put a shirt on and my mouth hits the collar, it pulls. and worst of all, if i laugh. IT HURTS TO LAUGH. i'm not sure what i did to deserve this- especially when a certain parent of mine says they have "a turd circling their butthole" while doing sweatin' to the oldies 3. 

the bandage is changed friday. let's hope it's better, so i can laugh at turds. 

Friday, March 27, 2009

my dental men are gentlemen.

surgery recap.


scene: sitting in a peach colored room listening to soft rock. there is only one window with a view of bare trees and wet dirt. there is also a painting done in 1978 of an ocean shore at sunset. the colors in the painting match the walls.


dr. van dorn came in and before he asked how i was-- he asked about my shoes. they were just my silver slip on vans, which he later called "movie star shoes". i've never actually seen an actor/actress wear this particular pair, but i was talking to a professional periodontist here. was i really going to doubt him? he tried to ask me a lot of questions and make jokes to calm my nerves about the shots. i began lying about my school life, and somehow gave him the impression i wanted to be a newscaster. he then started asking me about boys and telling me stories about his marriage. giving me marital advice. vanessa williams song playing i was starting to believe he had a part time therapist job like lucy's psychiatric booth. before he gave me my numbing shots, he asked me my favorite vacation destination and to think about it. first shot: not bad at all. i'm tough. i was raised on the dairy, bitch. i never feel pain. second shot: pussed out and jerked, so he had to stick me twice. cried a little. after this, i was left with his assistant who kept talking to me about her trees and plants. cher's "if i could turn back time" when he returned, i didn't feel numb enough...third shot: was pretty numb, until he hit one spot that made a hissing sound come out of me. although i was curious to what tools were going to be used inside of my mouth, i closed my eyes in fear of panic natalie imbruglia's "torn" i only felt tugs on my brackets. everything else was just fine. there was a time we had to wait on something and we talked about disney world (my destination of choice). i was also asked what i would do if i one ten million dollars. then, i was advised on how to save it. an hour or so later, my gum was sewn up. whitney houston's "greatest love of all"


the rest of my day is being spent like so:
10:00- ice pack on.
10:05- ice pack off.
10:10- ice pack on.
10:15- ice pack off.
this has to continue until i GO TO BED.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

lizzing to the oldies

i got a few brackets for my gingival surgery tomorrow. the bandage, or "dressing", needs them, so here i am:
i'm not really sure what it's going to look like afterwards. i do know it will remain there for about four weeks. so, i'm going to try to keep myself out of the cute boy scene. wish me luck.

i JUST noticed today, that six+ people involved in wet hot american summer are also involved in role models. the fangirl inside of me wants to stab my gut with rusty scissors for not realizing sooner. it's just another movie gang, with a "no natalie's allowed" sign on their door...that is, until the see how badass i am. then, the sign shall be thrown in a campfire while we eat smores and cuddle in sleeping bags.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

scarface? no. annie is obviously jay-z's favorite movie. we all know he sampled "hard knock life".... and i finally noticed lyrics in "brooklyn (go hard)":

"the sun don't come out for many, like annie
half orphan, mama never had an abortion."

i'm sure i'm not the first to realize this.
i need to hang out with that shawn corey carter. we'll get sasha fierce on board and have a movie night. eat moonpies. cuddle. etc. 

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

DOCTOR HAIRCUT.

lots of jews for that itty bitty living space.

i'm slowly getting back to the hood of things. i would almost compare losing my wisdom teeth to one of the loser holidays, like valentine's day or the fourth of july--without the blood puking (depending on your traditions). dad bought me tim and eric season two, mom rented movies containing boys i like, and i focused on the main food groups: pudding... applesauce... and for strong bones, ice cream. it's been a sore road, and i gained a tongue blister along the way.

i need a second job. i need money. i need a constant breath mint. 

for the past few weeks at work, i have been loading xp on computers. i decided to make my "waiting" time useful, and do a little reading. sadly, this may be the most i've read in a couple years. finished:
     
   

i kind of want to read russell brand's autobiography???

Saturday, March 7, 2009

this is what i look like after...

a) i hit my children, and have been arrested.
b) been beaten by my husband, but know he still loves me.
c) had my wisdom teeth taken out.

ps. there's a haircut in there somewhere...

Sunday, February 15, 2009

a spanish guy doing the bartman.

i may be saying this because i had such a magical (past) weekend, 
but 2009 is going to be a good year.

i just need a little more money...or a lot more.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

jew york.

sitting here at my gate, drinking my jamba juice (pronounced yamba yuice) with free immunity boost and brain freeze. this morning my flight was cancelled, so i got another. it has been delayed. i thought i would take this time to summarize my trip. THEN, i realized i blogged about the first three days with caitlin. so, watch the videos.

i had an annoying cold the entire time i was at jar's. 

a woman sitting across from me won't stops staring.

i hope we board soon, so i don't buy three dollar cupcakes and webkinz.
if you can watch tv while waiting AND while in air, why isn't tv guide sold at the airport?!?!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

i'm 20.
jorma hugged me.
sigh.

Sunday, February 1, 2009



mom called me (from downstairs) to wake me up this morning. got ready in fifteen minutes, and saw slumdog millionaire. SO good. the original plan was to start packing for new york, but we had surprise visitors. cousins. snow. hot chocolate. wii. much better than the superbowl.
video

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

my night.


sorry mom and dad.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

tired. 
i keep thinking about cutting my hair, then i realize i have dedicated almost four years to grow my locks out...

all i wanna do is join their club.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


spent my saturday night playing "business on jeans friday".

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

it's too cold to blog? this weather makes me feel like sitting in a snuggie (that i do NOT have) for days, and i need to do laundry. really need to do laundry. especially since i must pack thursday night for chicago this weekend. roger + caitlin + me= one kinda sexy party. i'm really looking forward to get away--even if it's going to be freezing out.

i had forgotten how badly i wanted to go to memphis a couple years ago.
i want to go to graceland and the civil rights museum.
chuck berry's "memphis" came on shuffle soon after, so i take that as a sign.

i finally realized i can watch movies on my laptop while i shred paper all day. 
working my normal hours, i can watch three.
i just need to figure out the volume situation, so i don't disrupt anyone.

made a personal twitter:
twitter.com/shatalie

well, fellini has to poop...

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

i could do mad libs all night long.


"After that I left him and Boned all the way to Airport. I feel a little Moist about what I did but I`d rather be Fucking on the Ottoman and watching Cagney & Lacey."

Friday, January 2, 2009

"do you realize there are over 100 penises in this room?"

i always forget how difficult ice skating is, and how everyone makes it look so natural.

i only fell twice.

tired.

aaaand i got my levi's boyfriend jeans in the mail today. 
this may be too soon, but favorite thing of 2009?
(it's also possible that they make my 5"3 self look even shorter.)

i might blog about more interesting things this year.
unless you're interested in my pants (or getting into them).